How Can You Stand It?
by oh HALE no
Summary: Jasper suffers through his first day of school without Alice. ONESHOT


_A/N: Goodbye Midnight update at the bottom. This idea came to me when I was watching Twilight with my sister. She frequently asks me questions since she isn't a Twilight fanatic like I am and asked me the question, "Why do they even bother?" Meaning why do the Cullens even bother living amongst humans and before I could answer, Jackson Rathbone (Jasper) passed Bella with those pained eyes and she said, "WHY WOULD THEY LET HIM GO TO SCHOOL?!" _

_This is my take on how to respond to that question. I listened to a lot of Spencer Bell and Radiohead. Go to spencerbellmemorial . com and check him out. Radiohead songs: Chopin Mashup and High & Dry. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own, I RENT.

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_It was my first day at school. Amongst humans… These Cullens were odd creatures. Don't misinterpret me. I adored this sense of family and companionship that Alice had so graciously made me apart of, but I was still adverse to the fact that we were all living amongst humans and the diet was—unbearable. The thirst was never quenched with animals. I admired Carlisle for his strength and lack of temptation._

Emmett and Rosalie gave us all our backgrounds. Rosalie and I would be staged as twins; Emmett, Edward, and Alice were siblings. I thought that maybe they did this so that Rosalie and Emmett could be a public couple, but I obliged. There was no harm in this family front; it worked fine with me. Esme and Carlisle were our loving adopted parents; that wasn't far from the truth.

Only Edward had the mindset to pull me aside before we left to see if I could handle this. I knew it was on everyone's mind since we moved to this new town; the sympathy and wariness when they explained certain human qualities of moving every few minutes, blinking, fidgeting, etc.

"Can you—"

"Handle this?" I asked. He waited for me to answer my own question and I sighed. _You know why I'm doing this…_

"She won't care if you tell her the truth." I hated when he spoke about Alice out loud because she always popped up. Like now…

"Are you talking about me again?" she grinned, standing between us as she leaned up to kiss my chin. "I know, you have nothing else to talk about, but it's rude when I'm not in the room," she joked.

Edward and I smiled in response before I silently warned him that I was fine. I didn't know who I was trying to convince; Edward or myself.

We all piled into the garage and Rosalie had her fit after being told by Edward, Esme, and Carlisle, that bringing her crimson sleek crisp car was not the way to diverge the mortals' attention. She slid into Edward's Mercedes. It was small, and with Emmett's huge hogging of the back seat, I was pressed far against the door. I tried to relieve any pressure I put on it, so not to dent the door and Edward either took note of that or just didn't want Emmett doing what I was trying to avoid.

"Emmett, shotgun."

Rosalie seemed more aggravated now that her husband was sitting in the front seat; Alice tapped on the window and I opened the door, but instead of her sitting in the middle, she sat on the other side of me. I was left – for the rest of the car ride – to hear Rosalie and Alice gab about fashion, with Alice constantly asking if what she was wearing was okay. My reassurance this morning, obviously didn't make her feel better.

"Yes, Dior's A-Line creation is less than genius. Emmett, how long have I been following this A-Line theme?" before he could answer, she spoke again, "decades, that's how long. I'm telling you in the next couple of decades, the hemlines will keep going up. They'll almost be half the length of skirts now."

I tried to let my mind focus on something other than the task at hand. The future of torture I would put myself through in just a few short—seconds. We were already there. Everyone fluidly left the car, but I didn't move. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe not telling Alice of my fears and brushing it off like it was no big deal was the complete wrong thing to do…

Alice knocked on the glass again, tilting her head curiously before getting back in the car. Her hands desperately tried to unclench my fists. "Jasper, it's a small school," she began and we both spoke simultaneously from that moment on.

"It's not that. I'll be fine, I'm not worried about this and neither should you."

"I'll be right down the hall and if anything happens, if I see anything, I'll come and get you or you come to me. Emmett and Rosalie are in all of your classes. Besides, lunch hour is only in four. We'll see each other soon."

"I know," I sighed. "I'm overreacting."

She smiled. "Just a bit," she said. "But you have every reason to. I'm nervous myself."

_Yes, but not for the same reasons_, though I didn't say that aloud. Alice was nervous for her fashion statement that she had begun just weeks before school had started for us. Now on our first day, she would be paying much attention to the looks of her fellow classmates – good or bad.

We both left the car, Alice hanging off my arm affectionately, before it finally hit me. The scents, hundreds of them, the most delicious, mouth-watering scents… I immediately stopped breathing and Edward shot me a stare, standing on the other side of me.

_How can you stand it?_ He looked at me with the same expression he had earlier. While Alice had faith in me, Edward had faith in keeping me at bay… eventually. It was a very thin almost nonexistent emotion.

We walked through the main doors and into the main office. A gasp, followed by a flutter of papers followed our entrance. Edward dashed to pick up the papers politely and handed them to the secretary, who looked faint. Emmett chuckled.

"Y—yo—you must be the C—Cullens," she stuttered.

"Yes," Edward answered for all of us and I tried to focus on the conversation, clenching and unclenching my jaw, but never breathing. Alice looked up at me, brushing her fingertips over my jaw line encouragingly.

"I'm Edward and these are my siblings, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper," he introduced us as if he'd rehearsed it.

"Dr. Cullens' kids?"

"Yes."

"Well, then—I have your schedules here. Will an escort be necessary to get you where you need to be?"

He glanced at us as if contemplating it, but turned back and shook his head. "No thank you. I think we'll manage."

She handed the schedules to Edward and he took his before passing them each to us. "Oh and I need each of your teachers to sign this," she handed him another stack of forms for each of us, "and welcome! Feel free to stop here or ask your teachers if you have any questions or concerns."

As three papers were shoved into my hand, I realized I still hadn't taken one breath since I had gotten out of the car. How would I be able to speak? To get these teachers to sign these—but Edward grabbed my schedule and held it alongside his own and Emmett's.

"I have first and second with Alice, third and fourth alone and fifth is lunch hour with—all of you," Edward skimmed over the schedule and nodded. "The rest of the day is with or without Alice."

She grinned, "You'll get sick of me."

"Doubt it."

"No classes with Rose, this blows," Emmett grumbled.

"Lunch, Em, lunch."

"Yeah, but that's only forty-five minutes!"

"Relax," Rosalie said with a grin, kissing his cheek.

"You are with Jasper in the morning and Emmett is with him in the afternoon," Edward noted.

I see Alice once out of this whole day…

"Well, she's in your gym hour, but it isn't co-ed, so…" Edward read my thoughts.

Lovely, gym… Running at human pace and—

Edward cleared his throat and I sighed, "I'm sorry," but on my intake of air, my throat was on fire. I took that breath without notice and the scents intermingled, teasing, taunting me as if I were a boy in an awkward prepubescent phase. This was unreal, this was absurd, this was—Edward cleared his throat again; this was for Alice.

Alice clung to my arm. "Jazz?" My eyes went to hers and she smiled weakly. Our unspoken conversation began with her, '_I'm proud of you_' eyes.

Before we could continue, there was a loud ringing sound; a bell to signal that class was about to begin. When was the last time I had been in school? I had dropped out before high school, not that there really was such a thing. I had been home-schooled, but when my mother came down with the flu, school seemed to be over and my dad had been focused on getting me in the army, but we were both too impatient to wait until I was of age, so—

"Math," Rosalie sighed. "What a great way to start the day," she stood beside me and smiled, an expression I had rarely seen on my 'twin' except when she was gabbing about fashion with Alice. "Shall we?"

Alice leaned up to kiss my cheek and she disappeared off with Edward. Emmett begrudgingly walked to the other side of the school to go to his first class. I nodded slowly, following Rosalie to our first class.

Room 104, Math with Mr. Barr. As we walked into the classroom, everyone seemed to stop. I tried to concentrate on one foot in front of the other rather than the emotions swirling around me, but when I caught a wave of one of the seven deadly sins, I couldn't help, but smirk. When I had been here for the first time and the woman in the office had been flustered, dropping all of her papers, stuttering and tripping over her words, I thought we were frightening, but quite the opposite.

_Lust_ was what I felt emanating from the childish boys toward the back of the room and a few girls for that matter. I shuddered at that and Rosalie seemed to bask in it. Again, I shuddered.

"Mr. Barr?" Rosalie approached the teacher, who was filled with sinful emotions.

"Rosalie and Jasper—Hale, is it?" he asked, rising from his chair. When Rosalie nodded, he took the paper from Rosalie, signing both of ours, before handing us a secondary textbook for us to join the class with. "Rosalie, you can sit there," he pointed to a seat by the window, "and Jasper, you can sit over there," he pointed to the opposite end of the room toward a seat by the door. "Try and catch up."

Rosalie looked toward me, before going to her seat and I followed suit. There was a hideously rude girl in front of me, turning around and popping her gum loudly before holding out a pack. "Want some?" when I shook my head, she rolled her eyes and turned back around to the board. She had an incessant need to run her fingers through her frizzy locks of unwashed brown hair, sending her scent directly to me. This would be a long hour.

The grumbles and droning on of the teacher were background music to the war raging on inside my head. Shame, guilt, frustration, pain, and pure malicious animalistic feelings raged on. My imagination got away from me; I pictured myself tapping the girl on the shoulder, or maybe leaning forward as if to ask for something. Yes, yes, that would work. She ran her fingers through her hair again, pushing it all to one side, exposing her neck; she was teasing me.

My hands gripped the desk as I forced myself to stay put, trying to think of Alice, trying to think of how this would affect her, but not caring. As I shifted forward, Mr. Barr called my name. He asked me a question I hadn't heard and Rosalie immediately said the answer from across the room, too fast and too quiet to be caught my human ears.

"An acute angle, sir," I said, taking another intake of the air around me. This was complete and utter torture.

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I was the first to leave the classroom, having darted out of there and made it through my first class without killing an innocent mortal female. I cringed as Rosalie strode out of the classroom and leaned against the wall next to me.

"Thank you for that," I said, trying to keep the conversation short so that I didn't have to breathe.

"Why do you think all of us share classes with you and Alice?"

"Yes, but Alice can contain herself, while I—"

"Don't feel discouraged, it gets easier over time. Besides, if you don't think you can handle it, we can cover up your absence with a fatal disease story; works every time," she said with a genuine smile. "We have history now and from what I heard, it's about the Civil War," she added, trying to make me feel better. "You like history… Besides, you were never around the hear what happened at the end of the war."

I smirked. "We're in the north, they'll tell the story differently."

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I had thought that History and English would be easier and History was, it gave me something to listen to, something to criticize, to keep my mind off of that same girl that was in every single one of my morning classes. Then I had Latin – which I could already speak fluently since I hadn't gone to school for the first three towns that I had stayed with the Cullens – and Art before lunch hour. Art was—something I knew Alice would enjoy, but something I didn't feel any interest in.

Luckily for me, the teacher let me read throughout her grading of their finished midterm self-portraits. I sat curled up lost in the literature that had been assigned just to periods before. I had already read these classics, but there was nothing better than Shakespeare himself. That is until…

"Hi," an over exuberant young girl sat beside me, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. I hadn't breathed yet this period and wasn't planning on it, but I had to answer.

"Hello," I immediately made it clear—or so I thought—that I didn't want to continue this conversation.

I looked up to find Rosalie in the class, but she had "gone to the ladies' room," which meant either she went to meet Emmett in the hallway or went to adore her reflection. I was stuck, but I knew Alice had been keeping an eye out for me. We were both overprotective of each other, but in her case today, there was reason to be.

"What're you reading?" she asked with a smile.

"Julius Caesar," I answered.

"For English?" I nodded and she smiled. "Have you read it already?" I nodded again and she did as well. "You looked like you were just skimming over the pages." Right, I had been reading too fast… I forgot to keep even reading at a human pace.

"I was looking for a particular part," I began, but as the words passed my lips and air passed through my open mouth, my imagination went haywire.

"The climax of the whole piece," I was closing the book, keeping my index finger in its place, "have you read it?" As she shook her head, I tore out a welcoming smile to which we both leaned in as if telling each other a good secret. Just like the other girl, she pushed her hair to one side, exposing her neck – or ear for the murmur to be heard. My mouth was filled with venom; I was almost drooling at how close I was to her neck, how easy this would be. "Then forgive me, I shouldn't spoil the ending," I said.

"N—no, you can…"

The bell rang and I realized where I was, how close I was, what the next hour was, who I was here for, what I had given up. Shame, guilt, utter despair and agony wracked my body and for once it was my own. The emotions I had longed to give up after praying upon these innocent mortals finally came back.

I shot up and left the girl rudely, holding my books and ignoring Rosalie as I passed her in the hallway where Emmett was as well. As I strode into the cafeteria, Alice and Edward were already there, sitting at a circular table in the far corner of the room with trays of food as props. Edward nodded toward me and Alice immediately sat upright, looking at me worriedly.

I walked straight to Alice, held out my hands for her to hold and when she took mine; I pulled her to her feet, walking her out of the cafeteria without a word. We passed Rosalie and Emmett and the hundreds of children packed into the small room. My throat burned, my eyes tried to focus on the floor rather than those around me, rather than the people I could harm… Alice pulled me to an alcove by the courtyard of the school and sat on the wooden bench, asking her to join me with a small pat next to her.

We waited in silence as the last of the humans in the hallway dispersed and then I spoke. "How did you not see what I was going to do?"

"You weren't going to do anything, Jazz," her endearing pet name for me burned.

"Oh please," I scoffed. "It was so vividly planned in my head. I was moments away from doing anything and—"

"But you didn't," Alice said, putting her hands over my fist that was clenched in my lap. "Jasper, every time I saw you planning something, it was always unclear, you were always indecisive, never certain. I didn't feel the need to pull you out of class because I knew that you were strong enough for this and you know it, too." I looked away and she sighed.

"Nothing is different, I haven't changed."

"But you have, can't you see that?" she asked. "Jasper, you've changed so much more than you recognize! You've made it through more than three hours of school, of being around humans, and every encounter that you've had has ended beautifully. No one has been harmed in the making of this experiment," she smiled at her joke and I cracked a smile as well.

I suddenly felt relief and pride that I didn't deserve, but Alice was right. I hadn't harmed anyone, though I had thought about it.

"There was one problem I had…" I looked up, confused. "When you got so close to that girl in Art class," she winced and I felt a twinge of jealousy. "We have to be more public that you're taken," she said with a pout and I smirked, taking her left hand in my right and kissing her ring finger that was missing her wedding ring.

"I could propose to you in front of the entire cafeteria," I said, raising my eyebrow. She giggled and her eyes unfocused, but as she came back a mere second later, I grinned. "Is it certain, love?"

"Don't you dare."

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**_A/N: Yo! oh HALE no! Are you done with Goodbye Midnight or what?_**

**Of course not! I have half of the next chapter written. I've been a bit busy with AP work and whatnot for the end of the summer. **

**_Yeah? Well GET ON IT!_**

**... Okay, can you do me a favor? Can you review this story and pass the word onto your friends about Goodbye Midnight? Thank you. :)**


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